Selma Sees

"YAY"

Dancer in the Dark (2000) a film by Lars von Trier is a dramatic musical that tells the tale of a single mother slowly going blind in the real world while escaping the harsh truth of this expected darkness deep within her own colorful imagination. What is left of her vision is trapped behind black, bulky frames encompassing lenses, two-inches thick making her eyes look twice their size against her pale skin and small stature.

Singer/Songwriter Bjork stars as Selma, a young woman who sought refuge in America to seek a miracle cure that would save her ten-year old son from suffering the same fate: losing the ability to see.

Bjork displays such raw talent bringing Selma to life. Dressed in bland garments of grays and dark blues with uncombed hair and no make-up, we lose the sight of her as a popular performer in real life and become more transfixed with her character’s childlike demeanor on-screen. She is Selma and with her frail state and soft-spoken voice it makes it almost impossible not to empathize with her desperation throughout the film. We allow ourselves to fall into her and let her lead us into Selma’s musical mind so we too can see what Selma sees. Her place is stuck out in the middle of nowhere. Her routine is a boring means to an end, living within the cramped walls of her little mobile home. We are consumed with Selma’s fear that this illness is hereditary and certain. Though she tries to push herself no matter what the cost bears onto her health, as her vision blurs one thing remains clear, her ability is limited because of a disability she finds difficult to admit to anyone. Once she trusts enough to share her secret, a dramatic turn of events will take you to a jaw-dropping finale that will leave you stunned!

Subtle hints throughout the film illustrate the progression of the disease. We see Selma place her index finger half-way inside a glass so that she knows to stop pouring once the water touches the end of her fingertip. We see her gazing up inside a theatre as her friend narrates the movement of the images before her. As she sees less and less, it becomes almost too unbearable for the audience to just sit and watch until we reach a twisted turning point we never saw coming. The quality of the film looks as if it were shot entirely by a hand-held video camera, complete with shaky scenes and out-of-focus takes. This makes the viewer feel as if it is all happening in real time, as if we are staring out from inside Selma’s fading eyes and watching as her story unfolds.

This film is not your typical musical by any means since it chose to conduct its performances off-stage without any glamour shots, high-kicks, bright lights, and flashy costumes. Each beautiful piece of music is created using the everyday conundrum of Selma’s world to let us explore the contents within her mind. Every ‘clank’ is a chime. Every ‘bang’ is a beating drum. Every ‘whoosh’ is a two-step and ‘whish’ a twirling finish. In “I’ve Seen It All,” Selma takes us on no ordinary train ride. As she sings to drown out the noise and daydreams to get away, we find ourselves dreaming with her even for a moment to do the same.

Image provided by:
http://www.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/22/A70-11479

What happened to SEX?

Wishing for a yay, but sadly...a nay.

I did it. I caved in and believed that TV can translate well on the big screen with no problem. So I put on my favorite pair of red sandals and strutted with the rest of them to see the highly anticipated HBO craze Sex and the City: The Movie.

Now before you think of me as a cynical bitch, I AM actually a fan of the series. Yes, I've seen every episode and yes I own all six seasons on dvd. So of course, yes I was expecting A LOT. What I mean is I was expecting the same dazzling images and sharp script-writing that this little-show-turned-BIG brought to my 24-inch Sanyo TV set.

Like the time Carrie and Aidan triggered one of the most hilariously, real "nothing" fights over a pair of shoes and a 2-door bathroom or when Samantha ran up a flight of stairs, having to remove a string of pearls in a special place to pick up the pace! Or when Miranda finally lets love in under a sheet of rain on a busy city street. Or when Charlotte stepped out in a beautiful pink dress after she lost her miracle too soon.

However, as the pessimist that I am I know that good things must come to an end. I just wished it didn't have to happen here.

The story: It's some odd years later and we get a quick intro of what the fab four have been doing since we last saw them. Snippets of classic scenes and a few awesome one-liners later, the only real change we see are the babies all grown up...but sadly the cast grew weary. All the actors and actresses made their appearances, but unfortunately that's all they did. They showed up to play the parts that they were paid to play.

I no longer saw Carrie Bradshaw. I saw Sarah Jessica Parker. A frighteningly skinny SJP with way too little clothing and way too much eye make-up dancing around in the most bizarre wardrobe imaginable and not even sporting enough great footwear.
Where the hell were all the PRETTY shoes I longed to wear?!!!! The only ones that got any attention debuted in a closet and made its mark as the corniest proposal ever (and no I wouldn't wear them)!

A lot of things were lacking. Speaking of which, where the hell was the real Samantha with her outrageous sex appeal and quirkiness? They gave Kim Cattrall a slight gut and a possible eating disorder rather than tangling her up in one of her many titillating affairs and then proceeded to cast her in the shortest sex scene ever and it was under the covers! Her hot new neighbor got more action and all she could do was watch from behind glass doors! On a lighter note (if you can even call it that) is seeing perfect Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) do the unthinkable because she just couldn't hold it in any longer! The surprise for me was for the first time ever, Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) was more fashionable then the rest of the trio put together!

Oh and what the f*%k happened to the men? Dashing and daring Mr. Big seemed like a lost puppy with nowhere else to turn to. Steve threw away his great wit and charm for a one-time fling. Harry's romantic humor was left on the sidelines while Smith, who wanted more than just to be a "sex object" left us with well, not much else. I mean, they just sprinkled the boys in wherever they could but it didn't really connect to the story. Why were they staying monotonous or in Big's case, creating drama by reenacting bad habits? Even the once coy Stanford and sassy Anthony had nothing more to do besides make their cameos and end it all with a forgettable kiss.

Sigh... where was the snappy dialogue and the true comradery of being able to say what was on your mind no matter what the consequences? Who in the world decided that the most controversial word would be "sex?!" I mean, seriously "C-U-Next-Tuesday" had more oomph than that! Where was the courage of walking on your own two feet after a heavy breakup? I wanted to see HIM hurt, not her. He REALLY needed to be in some kind of real pain. Having wine and feeling lonely in a room full of people is just not mean enough. I wanted BLOOD, really. It all seemed too pathetic. It all felt too rehearsed. Argue, cry, smile...now "action!" It didn't feel like it was happening in real time. It felt like the characters knew they had to bring it altogether in a little over 2-hours and that's the limits of making a movie...a forced end.

Although the movie looks promising, it's full of cliches and scattered with emotionless stories that lacked real content and it failed to highlight the one thing that made this show unique: the goal-oriented, "I don't need a man to complete me" women. They even clumsily tossed in Jennifer Hudson (who I was hoping would crack some common sense into Carrie) only to have her leave for yes, you guessed it: a man! It's as if the writers were purposely sticking to the fairytale ending: marry a man, settle down and have kids. And if you don't, you'll be celebrating your 50th with friends who are stable in their own lives while you're still trying to find yourself. What?! Why not focus on more serious plots: Samantha's recovery or even Steve's mother's battle with Alzheimer's rather than the too-good-to-be-true, bogus reassurance that through it all it's still worth it to tie the knot? And if so, can you at least give me a break and throw in more sex?!

I couldn't help but wonder...

Tori & Her Posse of Four

Definitely “YAY”

A Concert Review of Tori Amos: American Doll Posse

She walks onto the stage holding nothing more than a lit cigarette. The glow of her sleek blonde, synthetic hair sways naturally as she swings her head from side to side. With a few puffs of smoke she calls out to the four corners: North, West, East and South and welcomes her audience into her world of beauty, music, and "multiple personalities."

Transparent, white circles dance around her as she makes her way towards the shiny, black piano at center stage, waiting patiently for her to play its keys. We are introduced to a side of her we may have heard in song, but never had the privilege of meeting before tonight. Yet just before a single note is played, she takes a moment, looks up and breathes in all the energy around her. Here she stands. One woman. One voice. And ten talented fingers. - Tori Amos.

She prepares herself, as only she knows how, cradling the bench in-between her legs and pressing her lips against the microphone. We scream with anticipation! What will the Talented Tori do next? Her latest album, American Doll Posse gives her the opportunity (for the first time since I have seen her) to walk off stage and play dress up. This album tells the tale of five female characters: Clyde (the Emotional), Santa (the Sensual), Pip (the Confrontational), Isabel (the Political), and of course Tori (the Everything In-Between), hence why I mentioned being introduced to her "multiple personalities."

Each of these feminine archetypes is based upon a Greek goddess or god and represents a part of Tori. Blending old with the new, Tori acts out these roles using a mixture of melodies from the past and present. Pieces from each album all dropped by to say hello. Radio-play favorites like "Cornflake Girl" from Under the Pink brought the audience to their feet. While "Cruel," off of From the Choirgirl Hotel changed the tempo, putting us into a hypnotic trance making a great transition to the electronic sounds of To Venus and Back. "Jupiter," from Boys from Pele as well as songs from Scarlet's Walk focused on her softer and spiritual side allowing tracks like "Cooling," (that never made it on any of her records) make its appearance on stage that night.

However, by far for me the best moment came when she relived "Silent All These Years," from her first breakthrough album, Little Earthquakes. This takes us back to a time in the mid-90's where a young woman struggled to free herself from herself with her somber lyrics and little piano. After the failure of her first rock album, Y Kant Tori Read, which she claims represented more of what they (the Record Label) wanted her to be (a skanky rock star) than who she really is (an artist), radio stations refused to play her songs. So when she picked herself up, dusted herself off and started all over again, she began with what she knew: Her life. This album was her story, but still record companies kept turning her away, insisting that the music industry was just not ready to support her artistic expression. Fortunately, for us she did what any strong, powerful woman would do. She ignored them and as she played, I felt even more drawn to her. With every push of the piano keys, she sang to shut out those who would not let her in and continued to leave the door open for those of us who did.

Every fan got a taste of where she came from, how it all began and the journey she took to get her where she is now. It is amazing to me how an entire musical history could easily be brought to life with a few wardrobe changes, thousands of lights, a drummer, a guitarist, a bassist, and a redhead named Tori.

Transformers: Flashback to Present

"HELL YA-Y"

"Transformers" (2007) directed by Michael Bay

Don't believe all the hoopla out there? Still debating if you should see this film or not? Or you saw it and want to know if others feel like you? Don't trust the critics. Don't trust the fans. Whatever the reason, get it here. From a non-fan, unprofessional critic! Because if I liked it (and I don't like a lot of things), well then that definitely speaks for itself.

Let me take you back. Way back. Back into time. Back in the era of spandex, Aquanet, and blue eyeshadow. Bright neon colors and tight, high-water pants and where hair bangs grew higher and higher into the Ozone Layer: the 80's.

I used to think, "So, what's the big deal about Transformers anyway?" Besides being robots who transform into things to save the world. Yada, yada, yada. All I remember is skipping over this channel trying to find some other cheesy cartoon to waste my childhood away. I couldn't tell you the names of the good guys and bad guys to save my life, but I could sing along to all the songs of Alvin and the Chipmunks. I never understood the meaning behind machines with personalities, but the Smurfs were little blue creatures with real emotions. Gimme a break so I was a troubled kid, but let's just say that back in the day I could care less about a "boyish" trend.

Now, fast forward to present day. You'd think I'd be the last person standing in line to witness such a spectacle, but free tickets makes you do crazy things. So there I was stuck and just as clueless as I was twenty some years ago, surrounded by people who looked like they just rolled out of bed and grabbed the first thing they saw! Everywhere I turned, people were sportin' their gear, playing the jingle, "More Than Meets the Eye" on their cell phones and quoting famous lines from the series. One guy even reminisced over how he and his friends would run home right when the school bell rang just to make it in time to watch the show and I couldn't even name a character! Two decades later and it seems nothing's changed.

The media and not to mention the hardcore fanatics have been "ooing and awing" over the thought of bringing the original animated series to the big screen. Then suddenly, t-shirts and other memorabilia items with the infamous face logo popped up at retail outlets everywhere. Miniature mechanical figurines made of plastic instead of metal crowded every toy store. These robots were back and this time they had an even bigger marketing tool behind them: General Motors. So I figured, this movie is just a cool car commercial stretched out to cover 2 1/2 hours. As you can tell, I had very low expectations and had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. All in all, I was just hoping to be entertained by a movie with no real purpose.

First of all, you gotta go in expecting to watch an action-packed, adventure full of surprises and wide-eyed special effects. What more can you ask for from director Michael Bay and executive producer Steven Spielberg? Here's the gist: Boy (Shia LaBeouf) buys car to attract girl (Megan Fox). Car turns into a good robot to protect boy. Why, you ask? This boy happens to be the grandson of the first explorer ever to lay eyes on a Transformer. And what he'll soon realize is that he possesses the only link to finding the All Spark cube (a force field able to turn any machine into a robot). So who are the good guys? The Autobots trying to guard the human race from the evil Decipticons. Why are they evil? Their mission is to wipe out all of humanity so that their world can flourish once again. Following along so far?

In less than 10-minutes, this film kicks-start into highspeed! Giving the robots a time to showoff their skills and tranforming abilities. And yes, most of it happens so fast that if you blink you miss vital details. And yes, the story is a little shakey and the only real star may just be LeBeouf who does an awesome job, bringing in comic relief and having the audience actually care for the characters, real or not. But who cares? HAVE FUN WITH IT. Let yourself go and see where it takes you.

Little Room, Big View

Review: Ohana Waikiki West Hotel (Oahu, Hawaii)

"Nay"

Ok, ok so not everyone can say they went to Hawaii and had a bad time. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast! But...it's not the location I'm complaining about by any means, it's the hotel. I went to Hawaii once before and stayed at this 3-star place back in 2001 and from what I remember, it had an attentive staff, clean facilities, and the best thing of all was that it was walking distance to just about everything including the infamous International Marketplace (a bargain shopper's haven for good deals). Who needs more than 4-walls, a sink, a tub, a toilet and a bed anyway? Afterall, it's Hawaii!!!!!!! But that's not the point I'm trying to make.

So we get there by noon and the hostess, wearing a plastic smile, took about a year trying to get us a room. Then finally she gave us 2 options: (1) wait til 3pm or (2) get a room on the 18th floor. Obviously, we picked the room. Now, get this. There is NO ELEVATOR ACCESS to the top floor. She proceeded to give me directions to our room without once apologizing for the inconvenience nor explaining wtf we had to take the fire escape! Did the elevator break down? Were they simply working on the floor and it'll be ready later on in the day? But no, the elevator was working and it wasn't until we walked into it that we realized there was no button for the 18th floor. At. All.

The elevator is a genuine piece of work and anyone who stayed at this hotel can tell you that is the #1 way to get you irate even before the doors shut. You know how some high-end hotels have their best rooms (aka: suites) on the top floors where you need a special keycard to gain access to it? No, not this place. You need a keycard to get anywhere passed the 8th floor, but they don't really tell you that when you check in. And nowhere in the elevator does it say where to slide your card in. The little placard only reads "Key Card Access" below some actual key holes (way above the slot). The best part? When you finally put 2 and 2 together and enter your keycard, you're supposed to enter it upside-down and backwards from where the arrow is, wait for some tiny green light to flash and select your room before the elevator makes its way back down to the lobby again.

After 4 or 5 tries, you finally get it but it seems to get worse as you make your way up that you'll find yourself regretting to continue the journey (especially when the lights go out). So now you're in the dark, impatient, irritated, and tired. And for the poor souls on the 18th floor, we still have a hike to look forward to! We would exit on the 17th floor, go down a narrow hallway to the fire escape and climb an eerie stairwell that leads us to our rooms.

Ah, the room filled with colors of dingy yellow and booger green. A pretty simple set-up: bed at the center with a flimsy bedsheet and a burlap sack for a blanket, sea-blue lamps crazy-glued to the nightstands on each side, a safe that doesn't look safe at all, a fridge that smells like the ocean is leaking from it and a TV. Where's the closet? Next to the toilet in the bathroom. Who needs a steamer, just hang your clothes and take a hot shower! Oh, and when you're taking a crap just look to your right and watch yourself in the mirror. It'll make you want to hop in that bathing suit girls!

The only "YAY" about the whole thing is that if you do get stuck way up there, the only reason to stay is the awesome view! Pull back those dreary drapes and behold a balcony that wraps around the 8X10 square feet of space, 2 blocks away from the beach. Just stepping out into the open breeze, letting the wind blow through your hair and the warmth of the sun calm you while sailboats float up ahead, you suddenly forget about the plastic people crowding the lobby, the elevator ride through hell, the fire escape that you wish to escape from and the cramped room.

Scare Me Twice, Shame On Me

"Nay"

A woman with her back drenched in sweat, runs away. Then darkness follows as an eerie sound of a camera takes a snapshot. No music, only the sounds of quick footsteps and lots of heavy breathing echo in the dark when suddenly, a rumble of a chainsaw hacks through the tension. “Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003),” is reborn from its 1974 original, but are we still afraid or are we, sitting back scratching our heads wondering, “Oh no, not again!” Horror movie remakes, hate to love them or love to hate them?

Are studios losing their spark for originality or is this simply a genre that even if it flops in the box office, can reel in more profits on DVD and cable as MSNBC contributor, Dave White points out in the article "I Spit on Your Horror Movies Remakes, Sequels (2006)." Suspenseful thrillers may have jumpstarted our hearts back in the 1970s, but over 30 years later it hardly has enough impact to keep a pulse.

An 80's Time Capsule

Look closely because you may miss the site of some of the most intriguing, upcoming attractions in the art world! A hidden treasure, tucked away in-between one of the busiest intersections in Los Angeles: Gallery Nineteen Eighty Eight (G1988).

Co-owners Jensen Karp and Katie Cromwell opened this venue around the corner of Melrose and La Brea back in 2004, paying tribute to the pop-cultural 1980s era (the year when the city struck big in the entertainment industry)! Yo MTV Raps flooded the mainstream with musical mayhem that will eventually spring rappers like N.W.A. out from underground. L.A. also conquered the best of the best in sports as the Lakers took home the World Championship, beating the Detroit Pistons and the Dodgers won the World Series against the Oakland A's.

Originally, G1988 was going to be called Anthony Michael Hall-way, obviously after the well-known actor of the times, Anthony Michael Hall who starred in such cult classics as The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, and Sixteen Candles to name a few. However, as Karp explained they may still be interested in using this name for a future venue (with the actor's permission of course)!

G1988 gives the creator an opportunity to expand on their work by allowing them to use the entire room to its full capacity, some even spraypainting its white walls to illuminate their themes. In 2006, "Remixing the Magic” twisted the likeness of Walt Disney's characters and “I Am 8-Bit,” showcased pre-1995 video games attracting a star-studded crowd. The gallery’s open ceiling allows more breathing room for bigger pieces and the slabs of cement flooring provide a neutral foundation to the many vibrant colors hovering above it.

Karp and Cromwell, both UCLA Alumni's, wanted to create a space to house and highlight beautiful works of art by unfamiliar faces. Their purpose was to give unknown artists a chance to show off their talents without having to restrict themselves to rules and regulations like those set by other more popular locations. The gallery’s illustrative groups take art outside of the box, away from the stuffiness of a museum.

Gallery Nineteen Eighty Eight
7020 Melrose Ave.
Los Angeles, CA. 90038
323-937-7088

Cuddly Creatures Gone Mad!

Fever Dream (2007) - new paintings by Joe Ledbetter



"Yay"

He takes a monkey out of the tree and plops it onto a living room sofa. An open pizza box ages on the coffee table while a video game controller sits close by. The fluorescent glow of the TV screen illuminate the room and you suddenly feel as if this curious animal-turned-couch potato can pull you into its “Wasted Space.” Is this really a monkey or an image of how we are when we are fueled with nothing more than junk food and propaganda? This is but one example of how Los Angeles based artist, Joe Ledbetter's new exhibit, "Fever Dream" plays on the idea of animal vs. human or human vs. animal. See for yourself. You be the judge.

It's as if Lebbetter dreamed of a world where animals ventured outside of their environments and into our homes. Yet one can also argue how it shows human characteristics in animal form similar to how author George Orwell used pigs to symbolize corrupt political figures in his book Animal Farm (1945).

A lion tames a blow dryer in “Shave and A Haircut.” Patches of its golden fur scatters all over the linoleum floor. A pair of scissors lie near its sharp claws with a satisfied grin on its face as if proud for trimming its own mane. Yet, what does this cartoon really show? In my eyes, it depicts how males can be overly-confident about their appearance. And how their cockiness and quick wit can even challenge their own sense of self-worth staring back at their reflection in a mirror.

But it's not only how we act on the outside, but also how we conquer obstacles inside of ourselves that Ledbetter portrays. A turkey traps itself in an ice cube with what looks to be a cigarette box well out of reach in “Cold Turkey." This obviously illustrates the struggles we encounter when trying to quit at something bad for us. Anxiety, withdrawals and the need to be near something even if we can't get to it. In this case, smoking in which one would literally have to have their hands tied just to resist temptation.

Violence spills out onto the acrylic board when mythical creatures declare war in "Brawl." An enormous blue guerrilla strangles a flustered green dragon as its tail whips out in a frenzy to defend itself. This is our temperament in action, a tug of war between good and evil. But which one resembles what and more importantly, who wins? Or do they both lose? It seems each character possesses both sides and its merely a toss up; a lucky draw of who'll get to gloat for glory, but the battle is at a standstill and we are left wondering like we are now in the wars of today.

But not all emotions are evil. In "Under My Wing," you see sadness protected by hope. A flower pot topples over as the dirt that once kept it alive causes it to wilt. Flying skulls lurk overhead as if death awaits just around the corner, but a dragon holds its wing over the sad little goblin and its poor potted plant, protecting it from harms way.

Ledbetter's work is often displayed at the Los Angeles Gallery 1988. Look it up and come on down!

The Last Kiss, My Ass!

The Last Kiss (2006) directed by Tony Goldwyn



"Nay"

So here's a movie about a "boy" pushing 30, who finds himself in somewhat of a mid-life crisis or in my opinion, an excuse to fuck up.

Zach Braff (Garden State, Scrubs) plays Michael on the brink of a mental break down because his girlfriend of 3 years, Jenna (Jacinda Barrett) discovers she's 3-months pregnant. But rather than having a heart-to-heart with her, he thought it best to let temptation get the best of him with a too-good-to-be-true other woman, Kim (Rachel Bilson).

The courtship was quick and unrealistic since Kim practically threw herself onto Michael like an old rag. Yes, she's young and naive but a cute lil' college girl shouldn't have to try so hard to nail a guy. On the other hand, Michael didn't really do much to resist, getting pretty easily hooked with her "free spirit," (looks just happened to be a bonus even though she presented a lot of Jenna's qualities: brunette, light complexion, pale skin, and trim figure). So, he goes against his morals just to see where it would lead him. Nothing wrong with that right? Two people, strongly attracted to each other can just hang out without a care in the world. Sure...Due to an unfortunate event, Jenna runs into his friend (his scapegoat) and wonders, "Hmmm...where's Michael?" The audience knows shit's about to hit the fan. Hard.

The friend couldn't lie, but he didn't have to say much either since it was written all over his face. (I give Barrett a lot of credit here because she did a great job playing a woman scorned!) Her reaction was immediate, almost as if you can see her instincts running wild inside her head telling her, "Hey he's cheating on you!" She leaves in a mad hurry, but Michael conveniently turns off his cell so she can't get through. Ugh! All she could do was go to their home and wait. Pacing back and forth until the door finally opens. And he enters...

Michael hung tightly onto his lie, but knew there was no way out of this mess. The next exchange of dialogue took me further back than I needed to go:

In tears, Jenna asks, "Did you kiss her?"

Stuck on stupid, Michael answers, "Yes..."

Jenna continues, "How many times?"

And Michael responds, "Several."

So, Jenna does what any mortified, heart-broken soul would do. She grabs a butcher knife and forces him out of the house! And he goes where any typical, dick-driven asshole would: back to the "walking sex object" who made everything seem so easy.

The whole idea backfires in his face. Kim ended up being attached, therefore less-appealing while Jenna (whom he had all along) pulled further and futher away. If the theory is to learn from your mistakes, how can we sympathize with an idiot who knowingly made the mistake first? Then proceeds to go back for more?! He should have known what he had and worked to keep it going than let his other head do the thinking for him.

Do they get back together or not? We're left hanging. My ending is that it ended (only because considering taking him back would be against everything I believe in a relationship). How was this movie a comedy, I have no idea. A drama? Who cares?! Why watch something that only brings back hurtful memories or worst causes you to doubt the one you're with now? I say, if you make a movie like this, kill someone! Anywho, the only real lesson here is to learn that once it's done, it can always be done. Taking them back only gives them an opportunity to wrong you again.